A collection of funny life quotes and sayings for you to enjoy! They’re a great reminder not to take life too seriously.
Funny Life Quotes and Sayings
In spite of the cost of living, it’s still popular.
Who says nothing is impossible. I’ve been doing nothing for years.
In life, it’s not who you know that’s important, it’s how your wife found out.
It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
You can’t have everything… where would you put it?
Just because you’re not paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.
It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term.
The chicken came first – God would look silly sitting on an egg.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Hilarious Life Quotes
Protect me from knowing what I don’t need to know. Protect me from even knowing that there are things to know that I don’t know. Protect me from knowing that I decided not to know about the things that I decided not to know about. Amen.
Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless
Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
Life is trying things to see if they work.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
All generalizations are bad.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
A signature always reveals a man’s character – and sometimes even his name.
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.
Jane Wagner, The Search For Intelligent Life In The Universe, performed by Lily Tomlin
Funny Life Quotes
If The Phone Doesn’t Ring, It’s Me.
Man was predestined to have free will.
Hal Lee Luyah
Maybe this world is another planet’s hell.
Murphy was an optimist.
I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
There’s no such thing as fun for the whole family.
Nothing matters very much, and very few things matter at all.
In the game of life, it’s a good idea to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season.